Oh yes, it’s August.

If there is one month I will never forget. It’s this month.

I used to love December, because my birthday and advent season resides in that month. But something came up, and changed everything I used to be.

Someone tried to open my heart to show me what true love means, and I’m more than grateful, that even if it didn’t last, I had the happiest time of my life.

And I will have something to smile about when I’m going to get old and worn.

This would also be my most unforgettable movie. We went to a korean film festival one time, and just watched whatever was scheduled to be screened.

And yes, my Christmas is now in August. ūüôā

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…and the world spins madly on

If there’s a perfect song to describe what I was feeling last month. This should be it.

Love begets love, like they always say, but I never really knew what it meant until I felt it.

I’ve always believed that loving someone should be effortless and easy and if it doesn’t feel that way anymore, then maybe something is missing, and maybe she’s not the right person for me.

I’ve always tried to live with no regrets, knowing all decisions I made was mine and not from someone else.

But at this moment, I just want to shout everything to the sky, and I could just kill myself if I try.

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The Only Way Out

Let me first share an old song by Allan Roberts(songwriter) and Doris Fisher(singer), and revived by Michael Buble.

At first I didn’t understand the song, but partly I agreed, as I noticed, lovers cannot go on with it clean. There will always be, fights.

Until that day, 27th of January, 2011, I had to do what I had to do. I had to choose between to be or not to be.

I had to let her go, for good.

And the only way, was to hurt her. Badly.

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But She Ain’t Just A Lifebuoy

SO YEAH, if you were interested enough to have read the post before this one, I’d presume the title of this post would be your reaction.

AND YEAH, I love her. I always will.¬†It’s just that I don’t want to die for her yet. I tried to once, but she didn’t let me.

MAYBE, some other time. For now, I guess we’re better apart.

Sorry for the emotional posts. ūüė¶

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Swimming Off The Box

“He not busy being born is busy dying.” ~Bob Dylan

Stuck on¬†comfort zones? Don’t know how to live without something, or someone perhaps?

Well, I have been there, as well as every single person in this world. We put imaginary lines on how far we should go, imprisoned by the people around us, thinking we’re home, we’re secured; where else would we rather be?

But one day, you’re going to¬†meet that someone, who’s going to change everything in you. Someone who leads you to cross that line. Someone who defies all odds. Someone you did not even¬†intend to love.

This is not to discourage you, but you’re going to experience pain. A pain that is unlike any other. A pain that gets your head to the ground thinking, will it ever end? But¬†then, you’re likely to fight¬†this¬†off, considering it’s part of loving.

Earlier this month, me and my friends went to Bantayan Island, Cebu.

There were seven of us, but the other three don’t know how to swim. One of them was very proud for she brought a lifebuoy.

While we we’re already on the water, one of my can-swim-but-not-that-confident friends borrowed the lifebuoy so she can go¬†farther off-shore.

I don’t how it happened¬†but the next time I¬†gazed, she was already trying to catch the lifebuoy as it was being carried away by the waves. I rushed to help save it since I know she couldn’t¬†continue farther since she isn’t a sturdy swimmer yet.

I swam at full speed, but the waves remarkably made the lifebuoy unreachable.

I didn’t wanna give up, but I was losing stamina. I was afraid I might not have enough endurance to¬†counter the raging current and be carried farther where the waves were tremendous. Bottomline, it was a matter of life and death, so I bailed myself out.

“I did my best, but I guess my best wasn’t good enough.” ~James Ingram

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Keeping Time

If you can waste it, then maybe you can also keep it?

And there’s only one way to make that possible. ūüôā

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Frustrations And Resolutions

Well then again, over and over, whatever we do, there are always things that didn’t go as planned. Like the mystery of how I got conceived.

I am the youngest in the family. I only have one elder brother and also have four elder sisters. And like the usual scenarios, our parents tried hard to have a son, which resulted to my four lovely sisters first before my only brother finally arrived.

I can’t remember if they have told me the story of how it happened that they have another son, which turned out to be me. I don’t know if they planned to have me or I was just a twist of fate – if I may reiterate that, maybe I’m an accident. I don’t know, because I didn’t ask. I won’t know if they will tell the truth anyway if ever I did, because they know it will only hurt my feelings if they tell me I wasn’t supposed to exist.

Okay, it’s not like I’m not thankful I was born. If ever I was a mistake, that would mean for me, the sweetest mistake of all.

That’s about it. Let me end this post with a line from the movie, Kung Fu Panda, by the character Master Oogway as he talked to the¬†deranged¬†Master Shifu, which turned out to be a line from a famous psychologist, Sigmund Freud.

There are no accidents.

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