Fear Against Fear

“Nobody dies in an interview.” said in a kind tone by a woman in about her thirties as she wrapped up our conversation and turned down my application as a customer service representative because I still lack confidence.

Expressing myself has always been a problem of mine. My parents notice that with me sometimes. Like when they asked me what I really wanna do, since I’m torn between my passion and my profession. I wanted to stand up for the former, but like almost every situation I was in, the fear always wins.

I discovered something about fear. As a friend’s younger sister came to our apartment just today to do some school-stuff. She had to use our desktop personal computer.

When she arrived, I thought about what I should do with our dog since it was barking angrily at her. I told her not to worry, and just don’t come near him – I consider our dog a person. She said she’s afraid of dogs but I got overconfident. I didn’t anticipate that Marvin, the name I gave him, will attack her, for he doesn’t often behave that way. But sadly, he did attack her, that she almost fell to the floor. I had to send her outside, so as I could leash Marvin before she can come inside the house again.

As I tried to contain Marvin, I noticed that the he was heavily panting, he was trembling, as if he was the one who had been attacked.

Then I remembered what my older brother said, which he also just heard from his dog-loving friends. He said that dogs often misbehave when they sense fear from a person.

I never thought I would experience such a theory first-hand, and form a conclusion from it: Dogs attack because they also experience fear, because maybe fear for them means you have some hidden intentions which might bring harm to them. It’s very important then to keep your calm when in such situation which is not that easy, especially when you’ve had some bad experiences with them fanged creatures.

So there, I’ve said so much about fear, which explains the title of this post. This also kind of makes me feel guilty as I have been running away from certain fears. It’s about time I face them already.

Some other thoughts:

I’ve never blogged so much, makes me feel like I’m discovering myself more by doing this more. My deepest thanks to the people who introduced me to it.

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Amazing Is Alive

I was checking out one of my favorite channels on cable television, and I learned the fact that there are more stars in the whole universe than there are grains of sand on the face of the planet, Earth.

They didn’t really count them, but I would rather not question their theories. I’m just fascinated of how small we can be, as I tried to imagine how humongous is the cosmos.

Like many others, I dreamed of becoming famous, someone who would be written in stones, body preserved, and adored by the generations to come – but as I tried to be one, I only got disappointed. I noticed that the more I try and please people, the less I am becoming of myself.

Stars? I used to wanna be them. Now for me, they’re just grains of sand, mixed with concrete to build a beautiful spacious house that no one really needs.

Life spent on trying to exist, is a waste of time – for we already are significant.

We should be asking why, what’s our purpose? Why are we even alive? Why is it so amazing to be living?

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I Am Human, Ironically

I can’t comprehend the vastness of complexities of being among beings.

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